What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 01.07.2025 06:36
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
'Housewives' Exec Assistant and Mom of 2 Dies 'Moments After Giving Birth' to Son - TODAY.com
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was very sick at this time too.
He knew the spot.
SpaceX launches 500th orbital Falcon rocket on 15th anniversary of the Falcon 9 - Spaceflight Now
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Do older women know what they want?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I don,t even have a pension.
I said to her
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Have you worn a tight black mini skirt?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
CNN interrupted for devastating Elon Musk news amid Donald Trump showdown - Irish Star
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
'AI Godfather' Warns Superintelligent Machines Could Kill Off Humans With Biowarfare - Decrypt
It was going to be , some day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
How to reduce the age of the heart by 20 years - Times of India
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Comes on , in middle age.
2025 NBA Mock Draft Roundup: Final shakeups as offseason gets underway - Liberty Ballers
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She wouldn,t have been !
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Have you ever heard of the god Priapus being the same as the god Phosphorus?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Xbox Game Pass adds The Alters today - TrueAchievements
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But it wasn’t much.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Algorithm to analyze smartphone app data can predict MS symptoms - Multiple Sclerosis News Today
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
What is some information about unprotected sex and pregnancy?
Who then, do I blame.?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Ive learnt so much.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im still living with it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was 9 years of age.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was in good health!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So, i spoilt her more .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She married twice! .
But ive been too sick for many years..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So whats the point in blame.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was seconnd youngest,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
What did i know ?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I have no regrets .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
(And it was in our own minds.)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She loved him until the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And i lived it daily.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I write beautiful poetry .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I think the readers, may guess!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
When she asked me how she looked .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She found it foreign!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But, we were locked up after school.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Would this be the day?
I waited trembling.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As i do to all so called friends.?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I could never make a relationship work though!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We were not on the streets..
I will be 64.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
This is soul school!.
We all went to grammer schools
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was scared of men, in general
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
All the time i was locked up.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My life is so biszare .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One cannot live in the past .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My family never makes their pension either.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.